When I was working at company John Doe, I was in charged of monitoring the voice messages from the tip line. These voicemails ranged from compliments to tips to threats. Whenever there was a threat, the protocol was to transcribe the message and pass it along to a group of executives. I took this responsibility very seriously and …
I love alcohol. My goal one day, after I become wealthy, is to own a vineyard so I can then start making the world a better place, one wine bottle at a time. I’m a bit concerned that writing my experience with drinking alcohol will one day prick me, like when I decide to run for …
Women make 79 cents for every one dollar men make (as of 2015). It will be 2059 when women reach pay parity. At the rate this is going, I will most likely be dead by then. Therefore, after consulting with one person (myself), I have come up with 12 great ways for women to negotiate a …
Read more “12 Ways for Women to Negotiate a Higher Salary (Satire)”
Pay for all her meals then Venmo charge her. Instead of being late to your date with her, don’t even show up. Make her a candlelight dinner. Yes. Using only candles. Whenever she gets into an argument in public, always take the other person’s side. Call her every morning, during her lunch break, after she gets home …
Morning: Daughter #1 and son #1 knock on my bedroom door. I check and see that husband and I are fully clothed so I tell them to enter. They walk in, holding a tray with freshly squeezed apple juice, sunnyside up eggs, kimchi, pork and duck egg congee, and bird’s nest soup. Because I’m smart, …
Early Afternoon: I drive my 2021 Mercari (a model of Mercedes combined with Ferrari features) to my part-time gig: teaching at a school in Harlem, New York. After I park, the teachers roll their eyes at me because they think I do this just for the positive publicity. I brush them off because I know …
Read more “My Desired Perfect Life on Weekdays (Part 2 of 2)”